“You know you’re in India when…”

A list my sister and I have been constructing:

1. Your mother dedicates 4 out of the 6 permissible check-in luggage pieces (and 1/3 carry on’s) entirely to clothes for the kids - which inevitably makes traveling from one place to another so entertaining. Let’s just say the airport lineup was dominated by our not-so-subtle baggage and the train journey to Chandigarh comprised of a thirty minute negotiation with baggage handlers. Passengers on this train were also not too happy.

2. Air India - because if you’re going to journey to India, you have to start your chaotic experience with the flight - is the only airline that feels the need to include step by step toilet usage instructions after its routine video explanation of the aircraft’s security features. This is obviously in addition to the frequent spritzes of air freshner that were made deliberate at regular intervals towards the end of the flight. I swear I couldn’t get Russell Peters out of my head once we landed.

3. Even the Bhajans (religious hymns) being sung at the temple are inspired by Bollywood. Who ever heard of a prayer remix of a Hindi movie song? Not kidding, during Janamastmi, a religious festival in celebration of Lord Krishna’s birthday, there was a DJ hired to mix music while the pandit recited some ridiculous lyrics.

4. Before going to the temple, your whole family congregates to make sure that no one is wearing good shoes, and a detailed plan is made so that someone is outside at all times playing shoe bodyguard while the others are making the rounds inside the hot and crowded space.

5. You step into an ocean of mud on the way to the market and your aunt comments, “I hope that’s just mud.” Fantastic. This is then followed by a group excursion through a narrow alley-way, inclusive of all efforts to dodge unpredictable “mud puddles”, just so that we can get to the hair salon in time. Amazing.

6. There is always 10+ people in the house – visiting, dropping gifts off, hanging out. Every day there’s some new party of people dying to see you, even while you have no clue who they are. ‘Namaste auntie and uncle’ is a key phrase around here.

7. You can order paneer tikka and channa sandwiches at coffee shops! Way cool.

8. Crossing the street is a life-or-death affair (although much better than Nairobi, I have to say).

…these are just a few key moments. With 5 months and 2 more weeks to go, you can bet there’ll be many more (even better) ones.